I haven’t heard her name in soooo long it immediately took me back to my intense teenage crush on Sergei Fedorov circa 1997.

I watched a bird and squirrel duke it out on a power line. Bird won. Squirrel scampered off. It was a slow Tuesday.

I assumed Deja was actually Hickey.

Zero time to do your hair and you pretty much have to keep it out of reach of sticky graspy baby fingers grip of death.

I bet she talks in a real condescending tone too

Express has a rewards program but I swear if you don’t buy anything in six months they immediately stop sending you coupons.

I’ve done some $100 damage there but it was for coats, jackets, and cardigans. They seem to hold up much better than their shirts and shorts. Two jackets I wear often are from 2007 and still going strong.

About 15 years ago my dumbass brother signed up for his first credit card with an interest rate of 25%. Our mother nearly hit the roof when she found out and made him cancel it because she knew with his dumbassery that he’d be in an endless cycle of debt.

Banana spiders are things of nightmares. We just have measly Black Widows hiding in our grapes at the grocery store.

‘Go ahead. I’m going to get myself a 30-year-old boyfriend. But just remember, 30 goes into 70 a lot more times than 70 goes into 30.’”

Daaamn, I swear I’ve heard that line before. I was hoping it was just a fluke but it seems their employees are trained to give those kind of answers to abused women in awful relationships.

Olive oil? Is that some kind of de-stressing therapy I don’t know about?

Sorry! I know you said no more recommendations for your chub rub but I went to Florida recently and brought a pair of anti-chafe shorts to wear under skirts and maxi’s. They were so comfortable and breathable I forgot I was wearing them.

In Boardwalk Empire Margaret was shown using Lysol as a douche to prevent pregnancy.

I recently found out the powder I use on my face twice a day for the last 5+ years has talc in it. Am I still at risk for ovarian cancer or will I get some kind of face cancer?

I know everyone is creeped out by the thought that some perv will be peeking over stall doors to watch your youngin. If that’s the case, I REALLY hope all public bathrooms will switch over to the full length doors. My heart sings every time I see those and it’s only been a handful of times.

He saw an opportunity to be the hero that office building apparently needs.

or the seat! I’m looking at you toilet hoverers. You sprinkle piss all over the seat and don’t bother cleaning it up. “Ain’t my problem” you say. I want to rub your face all over it.