I like to wonder if alien life forms aren’t already here and we just accept them. Like octopuses are pretty freaky. Maybe they or their distant ancestors were from somewhere else and just landed here so long ago that we just kind of accept them as being normal.

I thought the biggest flaw was that it was so boring. So so booooooooooooorinnnnnnnnng.

Here you go:

I thought that movie would be terrible, but it was actually pretty good. The only thing I really hated was Katie Holmes’ horrible accent.

She’s probably popping oxy’s or valium while tweeting about how shitty vaccines are.

If the congressman likes Civil War biographies, he really should read the Personal Memoirs of Ulysses S. Grant it is a great two volume account of his life up to the end of the Civil War. He also wrote about the two sides coming together which may be appropriate now:

I agree. Why should I trust these cheese eating surrender monkeys?

If I even make it to be old, I’m planning on taking myself out before it gets too shitty. Time takes and takes and takes, without regret or remorse.

The very best Kinja!

Probably Carlos Mencia.

Or all those losers she’s giving handjobs to. I like to call it “roughing up the suspect”.

I bet the Neanderthals showed up and were like, “Can I crash on your slab for a few days, a weeks top..” and just never left.

Fuck both of those. TootsieToy’s til I die, bro.

I think it is. It’s been so long since I’ve seen him that I had to look him up.

I always liked this one:

Also into cat juggling.

I do this as well and my family thinks I’m nuts. I don’t want it flat but I really don’t want SO many bubbles in it. Diet Dr. Pepper is especially bad for being over-carbonated and takes forever to get the excess carbonation to escape.

I thought you would sing Daisy.

Don’t take someone else’s inventory, man.

You mean these?