I live in Raleigh and know that Indian and among the raggedy remnants of the “Southern Aristocracy” who shop in the North Hills area and are gentrifying the hell out of the downtown, this is not surprising at all. They think it’s hilarious.

Aw shit, that Indian used to be my dentist (for real). She’s funny ya’ll. She calls TJ Maxx “The Maxx”. She’s also like the most stereotypical bougie white woman you’ve ever met.

You’re 100% right about the Red Vines. They are disgusting and taste like hollow birthday candles. They always seem stale and tasteless.

I feel like the author may have an oral fixation, specific to sucking. That being said, there were some interesting suggestions for making your candy last longer than the 30 seconds it takes you to Augustus Gloop it into your pie hole, so there’s that. I may try some of these.

Or Dairy Milks or Crunchies?

I would agree with this. What’s your stance on Milk Duds? I used to avoid them as well for the same reasons as Sugar Babies, but it seems like they’ve improved their formula or something and now they’re not as bad on the fillings.

This is like 9 year old Martina Martinez.

At least he didn’t call them “chinee”

It sounds like new age feel goodery.

Yeah, my kids were 8 and 10 when they saw that one. I wouldn’t say they loved it, but they remember it, that’s for sure.

I like this gif.

This was very well written and a good read.

I think Splinter should stop talking so much about what Sarah Huckabee Sanders says and start giving reviews of the performance of the snakes that writhe beneath the flesh mask that is her face because they’ve been on fleek lately. I mean, some mention of their fine puppeteer work should be included in these at least.…

I’m definitely on team Krombopulous Michael with this. It’s the same shit, different day from SHS. These headlines set me up for disappointment all the time.

Truth! That place is nasty.

The snakes that currently reside in the meat sack that is SHS’s face resemble that remark.

I definitely feel where you’re coming from, but getting rid of stuff, especially stuff you don’t use anymore, is liberating.

I used to work at a national cell phone provider in the phone testing lab and took home many phones for testing purposes. A perk of the job was literally upgrading my phone every couple of weeks for years. I’d bring home old test phones for my kids to play with, and I never had that many lying around.

Perfect closing.

Speaking of bad looks, the snakes that writhe beneath the skin suit that is SHS have obviously not been well oiled lately, at least the ones on her right side seem to be bunching up quite a bit and creating a very squinty tense look while the ones on her left side are all over the place, particularly when she…