“You can’t spell Osama bin Laden without D, A, and B. Coincidence or coded message? Hannity breaks it down at 9.”

I recommend signing up for Shutterfly’s mailing list now, especially if you have kids. They are constantly doing freebies of stuff like 8x10s, calendars, mugs. Family members who are tough to buy for like aunts and uncles who you don’t see that often love that stuff at Christmas.

Winter is easily made tolerable. You fuckers just need to learn to layer. Summer is the devil season. All of summer is Bad Summer.

Popcorn is horrible and you are a monster.

to Paul Goldschmidt, who no longer has to live in Arizona

Tea is fine, at best. “Fine” is the best tea can be.

Yikes. These aren’t even jokes. They’re greyed-out comments.

It lost me when they killed off Maya Rudolph too. I was really stoked to see her actually have a chance to enjoy Fred Armisen being dead as much as I imagine I would.

That’s actually the annual boilerplate statement that’s been issued for about 25 years to explain why federal salaries haven’t increased commensurately with private-sector earnings. They are statutorily required to unless the president determines that a ‘national emergency or serious economic conditions’ exist that…

“I love watching TV but I wish it were more like work.”

Does it gitcha drunk? Good! Enjoy it!

I’ve been puzzling over who your dad might have voted for for president and I’m honestly stumped.

Look at all this goofy shit. We’re living in a Skymall catalog.

Look at all this goofy shit. We’re living in a Skymall catalog.

That NBA owners can’t treat their players that way, or don’t think they could get away with it, is kind of the point.

Xan you provide a source for LeBron (or Draymond) saying this?

“You’re all just assuming that because this racist guy said a racial slur a year ago this racist thing he did this week is racist.”

No, he doesn’t, and neither does Mussina.