Child: (Feels scars from last fight)

I hope you die in two of every fire.

How the fuck can I not get a job with ESPN.

Maybe not, but he was obviously in an airport sometime in the last month.

No, we didn’t need this, and this is a very bad take.

Sorry, bro. It was actually twelve Bud heavies and, uh, McDonald’s. Better?

that’s the most millenial hipster shit i have ever heard

“Jesus, thats pretty bad. Ten games”

Rusty Kuntz Jr.

Well, but you left out the part where Jucing’s brother got him/her the book for Christmas.

I assumed he was an Aaron Burr guy since he had the better shot.

Who in their right mind would fuck with the lady that said the death of 500,000 Iraqi kids was worth it? Not me!

She was born in fucking 1938 in fucking Czechoslovakia until FUCKING HITLER forced her family into exile in England during the Holocaust (in which THREE of her Grandparents died). She lived through the blitz in London, hiding under a metal fucking table during Nazi bombings.

Quick, go tell the people of Flint. You’re a goddamn hero!

Heightened sense of smell

Because the internet is mentally 16 and feels the need to rebel against things that are popular.

The author says these tips are not for people who go out an buy snow tires. He specifically states he’s ignoring the tip of “buy snow tires”.

Great! I’ll see you at Barry Bonds’ Hall of Fame induction next year!

Yeah your guns will do well against a Reaper drone. Do you honestly believe that if there was some sort of armed civil conflict that your cap guns would be able to defend you from the power of our military? I wish people like you would finally get your day in the Sun and see just how defenseless you would be if the…

Why don’t they just make the whole plane out of peppermint bark?