You might imagine that on his long-awaited wedding night, in the accommodating sheets of the matrimonial bed, Prince William "royally fucked" his bride, Kate Middleton, and you would be right. No one knows why, exactly, but indeed, on the night of his nuptial consummation, the prince wore a vintage Cookie Rojas jersey.

And don't forget Baltimore's squad, the Castrat-O's.

By contrast, Tom Cruise runs on two platforms that suggest, "I'm short."

It's official. McGee is now the tallest member of the Vienna Boys' Choir.

Also wholly dependent on unrealistic returns?

Honestly, it's amazing that they can spit that far.

Wow, that really takes me back. Remember how Shaq would commemorate a missed free throw by pretending to traffic a brick of cocaine?

Gloria James Undergoes Groin Treatment, West Gets A Rise Out Of Son

While it's true that Charles Barkley specialized in "rebound beef," it's equally true that Shawn Kemp was the master of "turnover pork."

By coincidence, a ruthless Puerto Rican gang once sent Beltran's grandparents the bill after kidnapping St. Louis outfielder Joe "Ducky" Medwick.

In Victory For Tokin'ism Everywhere, Randy Moss Will, Like, Get Around To It Later

You think that's bad, what about later, when he inserted the tampon?

. . . is shortchanging Ibaka's around-the-world origin.

Interestingly, 40-120 is also a cannabis club for fans of binary code.

I have two teams of writers: M-W-F, and T-Th. I give them weekends off, which is why I rarely comment on weekends.

Federico, 28, said he understands why he was axed.

Hey, speaking of short and easy goals, I've got Ashley Olsen's number around here somewhere.

Harvard did have a good team back then, because they could rise to any caucasian.

"I say 11 instead of 12 because I'm genuinely looking forward to kicking Judas's ass."

One of the former Russian leaders was a whole lot faster.