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Jeremy: "Fernando, wassup Ronaldo?"

Grizzlies Cheerleaders Use Memphis Tam Pompons, Look Bloody Awful

You could visit my mother. She is very nice.

It's fair to say that black players would not have been safe at home.

Meanwhile, Tennessee State players continue to dine at IFLOP.

The key thing to remember here is that if you pork a sandwich, you will not become a Papa.

The interesting thing is that my penis is named Busch Stadium.

Look, Sherwin, if you really want a piggyback ride, do what I did: First, go to a local Furries convention and get all chummy with the porcine contingent. Next, invite yourself to one of the weekend mixers and then spike the punch. You know what's next, right? Riiiight. Let me tell you something, Sherwin, my dick …

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I'm not sure what Josh Hamilton was thinking when he wrote the twitter handles of those who mocked @JoshHamilton on his cock, and then nailed a middling rando in a public restroom with that cock, but now, yeah, whenever he pees, it stings.

"It was a bad call on me?"

Ha!

The fisherman had heard of the invasive species, much as one hears of Nessie or giant squid. He had heard horrifying tales of its rapid proliferation, and its danger to the local ecosystem. But it wasn't until he caught one in mid-flight that he truly understood the jumping ability of the legendary Asian carp.

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Also flopping its way to victory was Sammy the Spotted Seatrout, in the annual Port Aransas (Texas) Fish-Out-Of-Water 100-Meter Dash n' Dinner Buffet.

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Look, if it's a real insta-sensation you want, just take a teaspoon of Janis Joplin's cremains, add water, stir vigorously and take a sip. Esophageal syphilis really tickles the throat, and fast!