MetsGM We're driving to St. Lucie because our dog (Buddy) doesn't like to fly. His complaint: My arms get tired.

Did you know that when Joe Paterno started coaching, it was called an Associate B.C.?

The irony is that Belichick is actually dancing in that picture.

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Shiancoe, as revealed last year, has a gargantuan phallus.

To be honest, the "let them play" dictum also backfired last weekend, when, while shopping at the mall, I was subjected to a performance of the Helen Keller Memorial Chamber Orchestra.

. . . were not the ninth letter of the alphabet?

Also not forgetting couch-related generosity: any actress who's been to Harvey Weinstein's office.

Other NFL-related tripods include: Visanthe Shiancoe.

OK, but what's the most wanted NBA ticket? In retrospect, you'd have to think it's the citation Shawn Kemp should have received for loitering inside the vagina.

You know, Jeffrey Dahmer once had a multicolored penis, but that's only because he flavored it with green pesto, orange chutney and red remoulade.

In issuing to a website a quote, later picked up by another website that tossed it to commenters, about the lack of civility associated with a fellow player’s tweet about a fellow player’s televised dunk over another televised player, it seems that Perkins wants the Metta World to like him.

Sherlock also figured prominently in the Sandusky bathroom scandal, saying, "Elementary, my dear Watson."

At last report, local Baptists refused to dance in the aisles.

The newly shorn Reyes is planning to regrow his dreadlocks in the offseason, with the help of a vasodilator medication marketed under the trade name Reggaen.

Still, the edgiest underwear marketing scam of all time has to be the Why Not Take Allah Me campaign, launched by the Libyan Skivvies Co. and featuring the through-the-underthings sodomy of Moammar Ghaddafi.

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Meanwhile, on "Fux Machine Follies" (copyright pending), one can hear an inebriated Pat Burrell sticking his dick in a young woman's ear canal, to hilarious effect.

You know, on second thought, I take that back.