High five!

Here’s where growing up by the beach helps! Wait until dark, and enjoy your neighbor’s/friend’s/stranger’s catamaran. You’re up off the sand, the crabs can’t bite your ass, you get fun bouncy action, and a blanket underneath the bottom will stop any canvas-on-ass marks or rug burn!

Prediction: Hamm will be married to a much younger woman, and become a father within a couple of years.

I see a physician assistant for mine, and she’s the best I’ve ever had! I actually enjoy having a conversation with her, and she doesn’t lecture me on my sexual history. We even discussed whether to have kids or not, and I didn’t feel judged once. She’s the most feminist, sex-positive doctor I’ve ever had. Before this…

That’s as far as I got when I was hoping someone was gonna offer a TL;DR version up in this shizzat.

I have always found Yoko Ono tiresome.

Oh god, SJP...please...just shhhh

Honestly, when I was younger I hated Jerry Seinfeld. I’m not saying I like him now, I still think he’s a pompus immature ass. But I get his humor better now that I am closer to the age he was when Seinfeld aired.

People need less guns and more Ativan.

It’s like on How I Met Your Mother when Robin runs into her high school boyfriend from Canada and falls for him all over again, even though he’s super lame.

Anything off Zero 7’s Simple Things album, but “Distractions” with vocals by Sia is my fave. So hot. That album could get you pregnant.

Also, why doesn’t kinja have a DM function so I can discreetly get the Twitter handles of all the most amusing commenters?

Norm McDonald. Seriously. He’s made it an art form.

How does giving birth magically forgive a FOREST FIRE?!??

I’m currently obsessed with the Bachelor/Bachelorette spoof show Burning Love (it’s on Hulu). I’ve never seen the real shows, but it’s so obvious that Burning Love is spot on. Absolutely hilarious.

I am REALLY struggling with this right now. I have a friend, formerly close, that I simply don’t want to be friends with anymore. We have fundamental personality differences that I do not think are resolvable. She clearly wants to work things out and continue the friendship. I feel like I am done. And I have NO idea…

How great was last night’s episode?? When Faith burst out laughing and Adam hugged her...

I've only ever seen a handful of episodes of The Bachelor/ette but that is my new favorite show! So good.

The women actually do their own hair and makeup for the most part on The Bachelor, and bring all their own clothes/dresses. I’m only mentioning it because that surprised me, but it’s true. Apparently they can sometimes get their makeup done for rose ceremonies, but that’s it.