My favorite Facebook-Dude status update of this calendar year went something like:

No. I like having a job.

Comparing getting his dick sucked to wearing a wristwatch

As a black woman I certainly DO know that feeling. But I try to fight it, because I know it's wrong. If I want the right to be treated as an individual with innate human dignity and not a featureless token of my race, I must - MUST - grant other people the same generosity. Even the tacky ones on welfare; even those…

His Infinite Stabbiness! He is the Smoter Most High, the Great Retributor, His All-Avenging Wrathiness.

According to my superreligious family, it's been the end times since I was about 2.

This is pitiful, obnoxious, and totally inaccurate.

As Mr. Peterson well knows, there are no "7E's of HOOKING UP" for frat kids at Georgia Tech. There are merely 4:

(1) Encounter (spot a girl or group of girls)

Fuck yeah, Gretchen!

Good, good... the public grows weary of all these little, naked pop stars and redirects its attention to the entertainer we OUGHT to be seeing everywhere:

She could sing the dictionary and it would sound amazing.

I wonder if this asshat realizes by doing these "tours" he is taking away beds/resources from people who actually need them.

That's dumb, but Fidelito still completely crushed the other contestants in the end, though. :) Dude knows everything.

You do realize that the shows producers are talking to Alex Trebek through an ear piece, right? He's only following instructions.

The bakery's silent partner was not available for comment.

I don't like coke either, I just love the way it smells.

THIS IS THE BEST IDEA FOR A COUNTER PROTEST EVER.

"Let's reduce the number of abortions!"

"Hoorayyyyyy"

"Here are contraceptives!"

"Hoorrraaaaa wait a second...."

Daddy needs his sleeping pill?????????? EWWWWW.