Considering I've never thrown a birthday party, friends would probably assume I'd throw an ambush wedding if I ever invited them to a "party."

I can't even. Oh man.

And his mother an incubator.

Having just watched a friend couple get engaged and blowing over $12k on an engagement ring, I just can't.

Watching Joan Smalls dangerously cut an onion was stressful.

Me too, actually.

Margarine has never, and will never enter my home.

I can't help but read all this crazy bullshit as satire and making everything sound really sarcastic in my head. It's the only way I can cope.

When I read the article with an assumed sarcasm, it was a lot more bearable.

Good timing. I'm heading to China with my white boyfriend to visit my relatives. I wonder if he'll fetch a decent price. TRIP PAID.

This AwkwardTurtle had the same conversation.

THE MOLE WAS THE REAL TALENT.

My favourite comment of all time:
Bieber needs to watch it. At this rate, it's just a matter of time before he becomes Rob Ford.

Good luck! It takes a bit of practice, but hey, as long as you can eat your 'experiments', no one's the wiser. ;)

I mince the garlic as fine as I can, and sauté it in butter before adding the egg mixture. Cook over low heat, stirring constantly.

I heed the Gordon Ramsey method, where you make super silky scrambled eggs with lots of butter and very low heat. The garlic mellows out quite a bit after a while.

I made a fantastic garlic scrambled egg this morning and nobody paid to watch me eat. :( :( :(

I ... find this kinda cool. I mean, it's already been sliced off. Why not?

My partner's dog once swallowed a potato whole.