He’s always been a jock-sniffer. Look how he tries to hang out with NFL owners, a group that refused to give him membership in their little club (but 25 years later let in Jimmy Fucking Haslam).

Trump probably just wanted to learn how boxers make their hands look so big.

I’m not exactly sure how to properly thank you for this great piece, so I will just say that I could read multiple novels written by you about hand-wrapping.

My guess is that the Patriots didn’t want to go to the Super Bowl that badly before; they’re a pretty lax organization that should just be happy their ragtag bunch was able to make it this far. But after the other coach called them assholes? NOW it’s personal.

Let’s not go overboard.

Places NFL policy does not apply:

I dunno. Imagine how big the scandal would be if AB was on a boat.

I hope he takes a massive dump in the presidential bathroom and doesn’t flush. Just for the moment of Trump lifting the lid.

Like I said, a serial killer.

It’s orange, poisonously acidic and full of hot air - what’s the probability this phenomenon is Donald Turd-related...?

I was just thinking oh man, I dearly hope that’s HIS TV.

There is a 0% chance this guy was rooting for Cam Newton.

Normally, I’d say that’s a waste of a TV. But this guy will probably just mount it on his wall.

This is why Trump is President. There are too many Americans out there that think that the answer to your football team losing a game is to destroy the TV on which you watched the game.

And he only had 5 more payments to go.

I hate when these people start rioting and destroying their own neighborhoods...

That person’s vote counts as much as mine. Horrifying.

Damn, Jordan. I’m sure Aaron will call you eventually.

Venusian Cthulhu puts ours to shame.