That would explain why he likes the Tomsula - er, “Tomasula” - Lifehacks so much.

Not so cool when you’re being chased off a chairlift and/or 14,000-foot mountain by such an occurrence. Fuckin’ Colorado.

I credit having watched every episode of every Star Trek series, some multiple times, for my elevated suspension of disbelief. After viewing that TNG episode where the cast de-evolves into creatures like spiders, lizards, and cavemen, I got pretty good at modding and smiling* and accepting the boundlessness of…

I go by my middle name because my first name is hideous, impossible to spell, and does not reflect my gender identity. Once I can legally change it, I imagine the stupid questions will recede.

+1 outdated Sunday comics section.

My thoughts on this season: Luckily for me, the ski areas aren’t crowded during playoff games...even when the Broncos aren't in any of them.

In all fairness to that guy, I have gotten lost in grocery store parking lots because every asshole in Denver drives a dirt-colored Subaru with an “I Ski <3land” sticker on the back...including me.

Bread is a loathsome, calorie-laden moist sponge of a food whose only seeming purpose is to distract your tongue and teeth from the actual good stuff in your burger or sandwich. The texture is wrong, it takes too long to chew, and it either detracts from the taste of the meat by either having too overwhelming a flavor…

I’m a born-and-raised Denverite, but I love watching Cam play when he is one with the gods of athletic prowess. I think he’s gotten an unfairly bad rap (omg, you guys, a black quarterback looking he’s having fun at his job?!? HOW DARE HE), and I will likely drop my AFC loyalties to cheer for him in his next Super…

I’m an introvert who can’t cook and doesn’t have cable. This is my go-to for every conversation, drunk or sober, I wind up being subjected to at restaurants and sports bars if the ol’ “pretend I can’t hear ‘em” gambit fails.

I lost my ability to drink hard alcohol without everything from my tongue to my large intestine recoiling in horror thanks to Super Bowl 48. But you're right, at least I knew what was coming from the first snap.

Hot takes:

My mind went there before it went to the Big Lebowski, too. Mostly because I’d trust The Dude to give a more compassionate and informed colonoscopy than Trump’s doctor, but also because Bornstein clearly has experience working with non-humans.

I am outraged at the ranking of Rocky.

Some of those peaks have 17+ mile round trip climbs and are Class 3 or higher. If tourists decided to mosey up that direction like theyregularly do with Longs in Rocky, there’d be a LOT of dead tourists...

It's 100% for me.

I figured out I hated cuddling long before I realized I also hated sex, so my go-to was always, “Uh, I’m nearing the end of my two-hour parking limit...” This is probably why I’ve never been hey’d...I didn’t stick around long enough.

Denverite dreading this series’ final write-up (and the next, what, two decades of play?) myself. I predict us losing the division to the Chiefs but maybe, if we’re lucky, squeaking past the Raiders, aka The Team Who Shall Not Be Named, for the 6th seed. Then blowing that game to the Ravens.

To say I don’t like kids would be a bit of an understatement (as in, every time I see a baby, I have to fight every instinct to scream EW EW EW GET THAT ABOMINATION AWAY FROM ME). To say I don’t like sex would be more or less accurate...I don’t get what the fuss is, and it seems to me like the associated drama of…

Nah, the real advice we need to see is how can we avoid the scourge of babies and pictures of babies that we’re presumably supposed to make something other than a weird high-pitched gurgle and rapid subject change at. Seems like the second I hit my thirties, my friends and family decided to contaminate my life with…