Honestly, if we could just occupy this man’s time with redesigning the paint job on literally every single U.S. asset, not only would I be fine with that, but I honestly think he would be thrilled. It’s a win-win. Nothing really gets done, but also nothing really happens.  

So, the CFL is going with the famous approach used by Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart to define pornography, “I know it when I see it.”

It’s helpful to remember that the U.S. women are paid 40% of what the U.S. men receive to play, so do they need to score more goals and celebrate a little harder to earn to same level of respect and excitement. So, adjusted for gender deflation, the women’s team won that game 5-0 and the celebrations were honestly a…

Pretty hard to see a Radiohead mention today and not add a link to this:

We were all the real MVPs. It’s only fair that we all now share the blame.

Here are some quotes from the guy wearing a Warriors t-shirt sitting next to me at the bar last night watching Game 5:

“KD’s back! It’s over!”
“I gotta work tomorrow. I’ll probably leave at halftime.”
“Shawn Livingston is my favorite player.”
“I”m not really a Warriors fan.”
“Are there any other Warriors fans in here?”
(Af…

To be fair, what the hell does KD care? The Warriors are paying him $30M to rehab all next season!

Stunning Finals upset for the Calves.

“And God said unto Kevin, I have given you these two calves. Make one in sacrifice to me and I will lift the burden of your people, who have suffered these 3 games. Do this and your herbs shall grow a numerous as the stars.” (1:3 Lamentations)

So, Durant’s either the ghost of the Knicks past, or the ghost of their future.

Between Great Lakes, Rust Belt and Appalachia, there’s neither room for The Northeast in the literal northeast corner of Ohio nor any coherent argument for it.

No part of Ohio — spiritually, culturally, or geographically — is more accurately considered part of “The Northeast” than any of the other actually correct regions you’ve divided it up among.

Right-eared — and I also switch my hands back and forth if a call is dragging on, but! I will reach over with my left arm to keep that phone against my right ear because I’m fucking crazy man.

Yo, that’s fucked up. I’m happy to debate the merits of veganism, but I’ll still respect your choice to be one because it’s your fucking choice, which, ironically, is a sentiment that used to be Burger King’s literal fucking motto.

Standard rules are in effect until the clock strikes 00:00 — at which point PURGE RULES ARE IN EFFECT. Until the play is whistled dead, or a person is dead, or a flag is thrown.

Bill Belichick finds a loophole and the Patriots run more Hail Marys next season than 2-point conversions. Book it.

Yup, that reaction was instinct. 

In hindsight, I should have clarified “10. Steph Curry (Warriors win title)“ because “Steph Curry (Raptors win title)“ would be a lot of fun.

Possible NBA Finals Outcomes Ranked by Potential MVP Winner

1. Fred Van Vleet
2. Steve Kerr
3. Kevin Durant
4. Pascal Siakam
5. Kyle Lowry
6. Kawhi Leonard
7. Klay Thompson
8. Drake
9. Getting shoved in front of bus by Mark Stevens
10. Steph Curry