Oh, bother. 

Hell, I peed reading it! 

I could have read 10,000 more words on the history of conspiracy theories, so thank goodness you wrote a book. 

Congrats!

Everyone is sleeping on Joe, prolly because we hate on l’officials around here so much.

+ 1, 2, 3 times a lady

A sad and hilarious piece of evidence in my new theory that Donald Trump literally feels — and tastes — nothing.

I can squint and see how a figure of Trump’s self-imagined stature drives pleasure from a tiny immoral act — because that pleasure has been taken, in equal measure, from enemies who have been needled to obtain it.

We should replace toxic cancer windmills with safer energy alternatives like coal and nuclear that do not cause cancer. 

As the famous saying goes, speak incoherently and wave a big stick wildly about. 

I guess this is the only real challenge left for the Warriors: piss off every single ref and play the NBA Finals on “Impossible” mode.

Lobbyists for commercial vehicles, of course, were double-parked outside in the middle of traffic.

My god, I don’t think I’ve ever used the right-shift key and I never once picked up on this. Huh. What a world.

Great, now “La-guana, Shark, doo doo doo doo doo doo” will be stuck in my hea—god, who am I even kidding I’ve been singing it for 5 days, kill me.

White privilege: It’s not cheating when you make the rules.

Ahem, that’s “The” fake band.

So, would you say this clock management was... sloppy seconds?

Dammit, that Paddock story gave me all the feels. 

Eat at Arby's.

Dammit. I’ve been banging the Shake Shaq drum for years. Papa John's ruins everything.