You’re damn right I look.

“Pepperhouse Gourmaise.”

Dinner parties. I now understand that everything my parents did that seemed boring to me as a child was actually fun because of drinking.

I definitely don’t have $500,000, but the bigger challenge here is still getting Cardi B into my bed.

Trump has blurred the lines of Bush-era truthiness into a blatant doublespeak that hides lies in plain sight.

No, orange.

“News laundering” is a great term. More euphemistically, it’s just vertical political integration.

“Bortles!”

Flashing the stadium lights during the postgame field-rush was legitimately fun.

Who bought Powerball tix?

Can confirm.

“The clock is running, only it’s not a clock: It’s a sandglass.”

To be fair, “He doesn’t give a damn who you are” is the most honest statement anyone in the Trump administration has made... well, possibly ever.

Then I let my guard down, go to open a bottle of Coke Zero, and get treated to an aspartame volcano.

I think changing your Kinja name from “O’s” to “0’s” would be a nice, subtle touch.

How long does a caffeine pill take to kick in?

If you could give Trump one of the three “Wizard of Oz” items, which one would you give him? I’d give him a heart first.

It’s well past time to put the “well regulated” back in the Second Amendment.