This is the best Deadspin article I’ve ever read in my life. I’m being completely serious. I mean for fucks sake... Pancake Emporer? Sprout God? Steph Skyfucker?

He doesn’t even look real.

Well you sure did get this wrong already.

whats wrong with hsi face

It’s pretty messed up dude.

WHO IS ASKING FOR THIS!?

Don’t think it’s an incorrect statement at all. I think it’s spot on.

We should start referring to them only as the RedHawks anyway.

It’s not like I’m paying the $100 by myself. I’m paying $20 as part of a group and I think that’s well worth it to see what could possibly be the biggest trainwreck of all time.

Is she a good coach? She is? Then who cares who she dates.

Time to give Jay Cutler a call about coming out of retirement! He had his beast season under Adam Gase, and they actually got along alright.

Not really. Jason Hammel and John Lackey hardly inspired any confidence. Lackey had one postseason start and Hammel was left off the postseason roster.

We’ve been hearing this for over a decade. So why didn’t he ever get in a derby then? That’s the real question/story to me.

You need a spoiler alert for a ten year old movie?

Call me a racist all you’d like, but black people don’t tip for shit. Ever.

niiiiiice

Why anyone would allow a machine to control a two ton piece of metal going 70mph that they’re inside of is beyond me.

Is this how humanity is going to be the rest of my life? Everything is unfair and everyone is being treated wrongly? I’m going to pull a Tommen.

A movie that people enjoy is a good movie. Simple.