I think it is incumbent upon all Jezebel readers to BRING THIS PHRASE BACK!!!! Who's with me?

I would really like to see 'feeling my Cheerios (tm)' make a comeback, but as the knowingly Midwestern female masturbation euphemism that it was clearly destined to be.

Yeah, people that say they sew their clothes at home to save money are full of it. Unless they're wearing like, flannel frog print pajamas to work every day.

a. 50 Cent's son is so cute. (Kinda ship him with another celeb baby but thats creepy so I'll stfu)

I am going to do everything in my power to make "Swag hood, Joyce." be the new "Cosign/ditto/+1".

Still great

Mmmm, I like watching you sleep. And 365 days from now, I'm going to murder you and and eat your kidneys for dinner. It will be fun, I promise.

My husband, not overly sentimental, says to me on Sunday "Aww, did you see that latest proposal video? It's cute."

"You can't make crispy bacon bowls in the goddamn microwave. That is not how microwaves or bacon work."

Case in point: Jason Segel.

We have surly geese at my office building. Around this time of year, they gather together and refuse to let people into the building. One just hopped onto a patio and scared away an employee.

I have found confidence to be a "FITYMI" strategy. If you can get through the blushing, ignore the trembling voice and hands, and get your message across - doing it enough with make all of that go away and leave you a sharper, more outgoing person.

Not really on topic, but someone on I Thee Dread had a day-long meltdown on Friday after another commenter jokingly used "totes" to mean "totally." Crazy person kept loudly insisting that "totes" ONLY means "tote bags," that no one except particularly stupid Jez commenters trying to look cool have ever used the term…

I'm 23, but I know I'm an adult because in my wardrobe I have a plastic bag with a load of plastic bags crunched up within. I will need all of them one day. Nobody can take them away from me.

Oh! And my Go Bag came in super handy when I left that psycho, too :-) $585, passport, 3 days of clothes

Things You Should Have In Your Closet By The Time You Are 30:

I'm sorry, did I wander into some parallel hedge fund universe where we all have walk-in closets? Were I to step into my closet I would promptly knock myself unconscious by hitting my head on the overstuffed hanging rod. When I awoke I would surely find myself covered in scattered "pliios" and "designer pima cotton…

Wedding planner here! When we're getting ready to do a Bridal Show my boss tells us only to pay attention to women with big rings who are shopping with their parents. They're the only ones seriously shopping.

I don't like Beyonce. Am I human?

adultosaur is presently putting together her anti-Spotify manifesto. 75,000 words, no capital letters.