And only 55.  Fuck, that's an ace resume.

Don't worry, Whoopi Goldberg's gonna play his mom.

Don't worry, Whoopi Goldberg's gonna play his mom.

It's actually a stipulation in her parent's 529 plan for her.

It's actually a stipulation in her parent's 529 plan for her.

I want my Rihanna cover of "He Hit Me and It Felt Like a Kiss" dammit.

I want my Rihanna cover of "He Hit Me and It Felt Like a Kiss" dammit.

The important question is did you bang your friend's mom?  (All you users can finally breath a sigh of relief that this question was asked)

The important question is did you bang your friend's mom?  (All you users can finally breath a sigh of relief that this question was asked)

And this whole "editing" thing is a fraudulent storytelling device!  I know for certain there was a time in between the two separate shots where the camera was moved, and now they try to splice those shots together and expect me to believe it's continuous?  I'll stick with the theater, thank-you-very-much.

And this whole "editing" thing is a fraudulent storytelling device!  I know for certain there was a time in between the two separate shots where the camera was moved, and now they try to splice those shots together and expect me to believe it's continuous?  I'll stick with the theater, thank-you-very-much.

Let's be fair, it actually reads "….our viewers would certainly FINE objectionable…" as the vertical line meant to depict a lower-case 'd' is absent (and it doesn't appear that it was the fault of the typewriter).

Let's be fair, it actually reads "….our viewers would certainly FINE objectionable…" as the vertical line meant to depict a lower-case 'd' is absent (and it doesn't appear that it was the fault of the typewriter).

"All Star" by Smash Mouth as covered by Foo Fighters feat. Jessie J.

"All Star" by Smash Mouth as covered by Foo Fighters feat. Jessie J.

He will be played by little Ricky Schroder.

He will be played by little Ricky Schroder.

And a lifetime supply of Metlife.

And a lifetime supply of Metlife.

Here's hoping for a Coke commercial in the middle of a lesson of the virtue of non-commercialism and simplicity.