I'd like for the love triangles in these kinds of stories to be resolved the way they were in my school days: with no sex and everyone disappointed.

Just for reference, does this public library do alphabetizing by last name, or Library of Congress? Because the latter confuses me.

I thought that about Feed by M.T. Anderson, but that found an audience.

Don't you have to be stupid somewhere else?

THE IRON BUTT!

I could see in certain scenes Jose Padhila's eye coming through in ways that I don't think just any director's would. It definitely had the air of a really good B-movie (Good cop bad cop? No, bad cop robo cop) but it didn't transcend its boundaries, which I think the original did. I don't regret seeing it.

I was born with glass bones and paper skin. Every morning I break my legs and every night I break my arms. At night, I lie awake in agony until my heart attacks put me to sleep.

The most accurate thing ever said on the show.

I had it taped, and I thought the tape cut off. Happened a lot back then. Fuck VCR.

Too bad that didn't kill me.

Could you hurry up? Im running out of time cards.

Think of what would have happened if we hadn't warned everyone about the monster!

I could never pick a favorite episode, but one that always makes me die laughing is the episode where they are kidnapped by the Flying Duchman and forced to scare people.

Spongebob was probably the only show that could have a gag repeated so many times in an episode and still land. Kind of like a rake joke that never wasn't funny.

"You get behind her and I'll push!"

I could never pick a favorite, but one no one below has mentioned yet is the episode where Spongebob develops a phobia of being outside and becomes a shut in. The gorilla insanity at the end of the episode is amazing. Plus when it cuts to the family sitting in their living room and angrily turning off the TV -…

I love the Sea Creatures vs Land Animals episode. When the seagull turns its head and looks at them, it's fucking amazingly timed.

That's part of Spongebob's terrifying late period. I don't remember the episode, but there's one from that period where Squidward has a hallucinatory episode where his head turns into a clarinet. That one was abjectly horrifying.

"Get a dog, little longy!"

I still remember the first time I saw Painters/Video. My dad taped it (not a normal thing for us with Spongebob, we usually just caught them when they were on) because he loved it so much. I can safely say I've never since experienced such a hilarious 20 minutes in my life.