Oh, pedantry, wonderful. If it makes you feel better, the "nut" part of "nuthouse" doesn't actually have anything to do with the answer, I just used it for color.

Rest assured, I shall address that particular… incident next week. Such a pity you won't be around to see it.

So did I, pal, so did I.

Time's up! I am in fact referring to the poker game at which Hex met his end, as surmised above, because the passage contains aces and eights, the dead man's hand: "Johnny cloud" refers to Johnny Cloud, the Navajo ace (for you DC superfans out there); "fifteen. love" refers to the score after an ace in tennis;…

RIDDLE ME THIS, AV CLUB!

A correct answer at last! I am in fact referring to King James the Sixth-then-First, whose ascension to the throne of England united the English lion and Scottish unicorn in the seal of Great Britain. The upshot is that a younger Alfred Pennyworth (like the aforementioned unification) was a James Bond.

My apologies.
Please accept not being killed
As consolation.

Okay, since I'm feeling charitable and I've got an errand to run, I'll give you all 45 minutes to figure this out before I end it. Best of luck!

Amusing gimmick.
But check the syllable count
On your second line.

That's not a bad idea. But there's really no market for such easily traceable gems, so perhaps I'll just take some amusing photos of myself as His Majesty King Riddler the First and then send the jewels back.

And this is why you don't consult Jervis on anything.

Very clever, Willy Pete, but as the stamp collector said to the sycophant, philately will get you nowhere.

RIDDLE ME THIS, AV CLUB!

@avclub-095543c425d38265455b460a8b71ee8f:disqus  Oh, I'll grant you I'll never be the darling of the Gotham Gazette's style section, but compared to most of my colleagues I'm Dapper Dan. Hell, I can count on one hand the number of people in Arkham who don't have to be reminded daily that shoes exist.

I suppose that's as close as anyone's going to get. The full answer I was looking for was "Because you find the present tense and the past perfect." But I'll let it pass because frankly, I was racking my brain for what I could possibly steal that would be thematically appropriate. Maybe some sort of valuable antique…

For the last time, not everyone is a sadist! Actually, they approached me after I made my need for bodyguards known. It was their first professional job, and I like to think I did them a favor. Working in that club was demeaning and unpleasant, and with my recommendation they've moved on to more exciting, fulfilling…

Ha! But no.

Most of us steal a lot of money, then use it to pay them in order to steal even more money. Gotham thugs are pretty well used to working for strange-looking people at this point.

RIDDLE ME THIS, AV CLUB!

Very well. SPOILERS, FOR THOSE WHO CARE ABOUT SUCH THINGS.