I kinda like Ben Affleck and I'm probably not gonna see this thing anyway, and yet. Tonight I sat down on a mysteriously damp seat on the bus and handled it like a champ, then a minute later I saw this news while checking Twitter on my phone and loudly gasped like a fragile Victorian lady.

Rihanna can be hilariously bitchy on Twitter. Maybe I should start projecting my dream onto her instead…

I completely adore Tina and Amy but there's also room in my pop culture heart for a pain in the ass homecoming queen type with a persecution complex. I contain multitudes.

That twinky little creep definitely speaks to the teenage slash fic writer in me that was strangled by its twin in the womb and never got a chance to live. I can't imagine this movie is any good and I dunno that it's gonna make any money, but I gotta give the casting director a respectful nod.

It's not like I doubt that middle school-aged stepsons are capable of being gross-ass lil pervs, but the Baby Alive doll diaper detail reads to me like the kind of thing that goes beyond "a detail you couldn't make up" into "a detail you would totally make up if you spent so much time ensconced in diaper fetish…

Bitchy Taylor is best Taylor. I want her to do a full-on Regina George double album with Boris Vallejo cover art depicting her massacre of all her chump ex-boyfriends and their fat new girlfriends.

This song is better than Kurt Braunohler and I kinda like Kurt Braunohler. In my fantasies Swifty records a charity single response to this Hatesong with a DEVASTATING Mean Skinny White Girl spoken interlude.

I did a really embarrassing Mozart laugh at my desk at work when the sprang breeeeak clip was first introduced into the mix the other week

Leave Tavi alone

There is a bartender at Scofflaw who actually has one of them free-hotdogs-for-life Hot Doug's tattoos. I guess that's more than I've ever done in my life. 

Whoa I think I thought he waa older. He looks like a tween of noble birth who still takes the breast.

What kind of a relationship do you think Scott and Andrew Ti have? How uncomfortable does it get at Earwolf BBQs and ice cream socials?

::farts::

BJ Novak wrote Diversity Day. I don't know what went wrong between my grandparents' voyage from the Old Country and now that accounts for me knowing that off the top of my head with 100% certainty, but that's where we're at.

herman-cain-smile.gif

Dental plan

Yikes

BREAKING BAD!!!!!!

He is an angel on Earth for inventing Andy's Little Sister. IT'S JUDGMENT DAY, BITCH.

My pop culture memoir is gonna be called Doing AltaVista Picture Searches to See If Rob Sheffield Is Cute: True Tales From an Adolescence of Untouched Virtue