Today in "legitimate headlines that sound like 30 Rock one-liners." Their treatment of Tracy Morgan's scandal plays a lot better when you look at this and realize that they've actually been handling NBC's woes with ten pairs of kid gloves all this time

Just imagine that "A minus" spoken aloud and preceded by a derisive nasal exhalation

fuuuuuuuuuck

It seems wrong that I should be so filled with self-loathing that I end up cringing at completely outlandish hypothetical scenarios, but it's upsetting to think how obvious it is that I would have waited for a moment of silence at the girls' lunch table before busting out my long-gestated idea that we call him…

What nickname would you use to pick on Jonathan Safran Foer if yall were in the same fourth-grade class? I have to be honest and say that I don't think I'd get any clevererer than "Jonathan Safran Farter" and it seems like even odds that he'd be able to make me cry with a cruel pun before I was able to do the same to…

You can't drop a phrase like that unless you're willing to form an experimental noise project that uses it as a name with the first person who picks up on it. I'll be over at 7 - get started on some t-shirts

Tom Hanks in a hokey Oscar-bait shitshow? Consider my pearls clutched

The only way to justify that 'stache is as a marital fidelity safeguard so if your suspicions are correct he could start making amends to Humanity In General by losing it

There was a lot of REAL ASS SHIT in that interview that wasn't funny but I laughed out loud like a goon at my desk when he mentioned thinking about boobs at the last second while jerking off, which I think is probably a very common experience but not one I'd personally ever heard anyone say out loud before

Great picture

Honestly I wouldn't blink at all if a Dane Cook/TJ Miller buddy comedy set during a spa weekend just popped up on Netflix Instant one day. If I'm producing it I'm thinking offset their Sigma Chi Illusion of Handsome looks with a poor man's John Hodgman type as the snobby, preferably somewhat effeminate internet nerd…

I think he's just trying to get another Tourgasm posse together but he's too shy to say it

I haven't read beyond this comment but on the contrary I think it's going to be a valuable jumping-off point for today's Lobsters storylines

I could be wrong but I get the vibe that they are pretty much done with direct references to it & just used a very watered-down five-minute version of le scandale as a springboard for another plot. And while I liked the rest of the episode I think it was really, really, really dumb to use that material if it wasn't…

If I never again see another J. Tillman Us Weekly cover it'll be too soon

I would love to see one beardy dude with a reedy voice and a guitar getting crowded out of the room by 1/8 of the Lane Tech High School marching band or something

Put all these goons together and they would make one hell of a comic book World War II military unit filled with broad ethnic stereotypes

There is no way Dane Cook's career is any deader today than it was last night

I would watch a Garry Marshall romantic comedy where one plucky, non-threateningly attractive woman crashes a star-studded Bohemian Grove Illuminati blowout

If my memories of the LimeWire era are correct the Flaming Lips did a cover and it wasn't anything too memorable