It's amazing how Depp can just slip into an American accent to do Trump. You almost forget he's Fake British.

I'm actually suing Chobani because their yogurt didn't make my kids gay enough.

Treacly advertising makes me physically angry.

They were checked out from the library.

I'm not feeling quite myself today.

My sister and her husband used to check out books by Fox personalities and leave them on their coffee table, because lol irony or whatever. I'd thumb through them, and the one obvious unifying feature of books by Coulter and Hannity et al. is that they all have huge, bold typeface, which is hilarious.

There are still black people! Trump has let us down!

Deep within the womb of time,
A creature thus be born
The seed of life is united with
The egg of tyranny
Gestates forth from within the womb of life
For three-quarter and nigh a year
The creature thus be born!
The creature thus be formed!

We blasted Superunknown to and from Little League, it was one album my dad and I could agree upon. Even during my most insufferable, too-cool-for-anything-that-had-ever-been-played-on-the-radio years, I kept a copy of that album and BMF around. If I tried to listen to anything by Soundgarden right now, I'd break down.…

Jesus what the fuck.

Should've added "eponymous" to the tags, Sam.

He said if I forgot to floss again, he'd kill me. And he meant it.

*mounts O2 thief's scrotum carefully in 9X12 mahogany frame*

I love the song "Finally" by CeCe Penisskull.

Band name: Titular Butts

We haven't had an Italian Neorealist Batman, I'd watch that.

He's going to be Guillermo Del Peelo if he keeps up this schedule.

I keep telling you, I'm not East German.

I keep telling you, I need IFR-grade actinide plutonium or the serum doesn't work.

This presidency is such a tacky mess that I've started getting all my breaking news from Worldstarhiphop.