Remember when he called someone a "blighted nonce"? I started imagining a side dish that goes well with spotted dick.

Goddamnit, I'm getting old. Read and Eager run parallel. Let's say she gets stabbed by the tranny who used to hang out by my old apartment on Park and Madison.

Hey! I went to Peabody!

My monocle fell directly into my snifter, I tell you.

Oh, Count. If only I had a nickel for every time I've heard that. Usually it's followed by an exhausted sigh.

PROGRESSIVELY EXPANDING OVALS

Where I come from (Iowa), you say "Gray Duck" when you're just fucking with the person and want them to *think* you're going to say "Goose." It's messed up, man.

I want Yellowbeard in 3D!

You had a pal named Shecky? Are you a Vaudeville comedian?

Despite everything, my favorite episode is and always will be The 23rd Psalm (Eko's backstory). Still mad they killed him off.

Oh shit, turns out that *is* a real word. My bad.

"Toleration"?

Why do so many people watch this on first dates? What is wrong with us?
A (now-ex) boyfriend and I started watching this toward the end of our first date, but having just come from a play about ethnic cleansing, we decided we'd had enough rape for one night. We watched Clerks instead.

I got more rhymes than David Foster Wallace got* footnotes.

Gossip Item Mad Libs
Demi Moore gave daughter Rumer Willis a [NOUN]-dancing lesson at a party at a [NOUN]in Hollywood. A [PERSON] told [NOUN] & [NOUN] magazine that the star "even [VERBED] around the [NOUN] [ADVERB]." Then Rumer gave it a [NOUN] as Ashton Kutcher, Jennifer Aniston and Leonardo DiCaprio [VERBED] her on…

Don't forget the very special episode when Blossom gets her period!

Wasn't she in some movie where she joined a football team as a field goal kicker? Was Scott Bakula also in it? I could google these things, but I just don't care enough.

Maybe they can get Jeffrey Tambor and Jessica Walter.

As someone who was also born in 1980, I can attest to the fact that you are absolutely correct. There is no way he can claim to understand teenagers unless he has been conducting a thorough anthropological study. Ideally from behind a potted plant, wearing a safari hat.

Wait, how would you know what an SNL skit is like if you don't have a television?