Something wrong with you, Dave. I wouldn't do Nixon or Parker even if I was wearing a full-body condom, a blindfold AND earplugs.

"Where were we?"
"We were snipping right along … snip, snip, snip."

Never, ever, no, not even while wearing a full-body condom.

This makes perfect sense to me. I mean, if YOU were Cher's kid, wouldn't you want to be as different from her as it's possible to be? And if that means moving to Sweden and having Dr. Krankenstein do a Charlotte Gainsbourg on your junk, so be it. Do what you have to do.

And I still love Helena Bonham Carter, but I can also totally sympathize with everyone who doesn't.

I would like my mustache Salma Hayek circa From Dusk 'Til Dawn.

Could Not Care Less.

Asking for a Friday night special from Keith Phipps, I think. Or not.

Lasties!!!

And that's why WE ARE SPARTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA …

@MBS: I believe the answer to your question is "cold cash money."

Malcolm X vs. Marci X
Full Frontal vs. Full Metal Jacket
Fireproof vs. Death Proof

I liked the acetylene torch best.

Bond vs. At Least 20 Different Physically Impossible Technologies.

@Lexicon: maybe you should relax. Take some time off, grab a nap maybe.

And he'll be bringing ZMF with him. Plug yer ears, Platypus!

Nah — sounds too much like "Anvil! The Story of Anvil! Starring Anvil! As Anvil!"

Nice try, pretenders, but the Big J is gonna kick all your butts. And when He comes back, he is not gonna be rocking the Ted Nugent look — think Eli Roth in "Inglourious Mispellings," complete with omnipotent baseball bat.

@Clueless: One vote here for "natural causes." When the first person finds my abandoned carcass, I want them to say, "he looks so peaceful," rather than "OMG, what is he doing with that rope wrapped around his pelotas?!?"

Why Conan will win, aside from his usual awesome Conanness …
Here in central California, the CBS affiliate shows primetime from 7-10pm (for all those older viewers who get up at 5am to commute 2 hours to the Bay Area), following with an hour-long news show and starting Letterman at 11. So Friday night, I was able to…