But really, you can't have enough threads making fun of Kenny G.

Usually, when you see "Rolling Stones" and "huffing" in the same sentence, the words "airplane glue" or "petrol" are in there somewhere …

The most famous person to come from my high school is Dustin Pedroia — alas, he graduated over a decade after I did. But it still gives me major street cred with Red Sox Nation.

I'm applauding inside.

I agree with Randy "the Ram" Robinson's view of Cobain. Rich Mullins' death had far more impact on me. (Yes, I know you haven't heard of Rich Mullins. That's the point.)

Brad Pitt = human
Angelina Jolie = lizard dressed as human

Yes, Ghostbusters — it's Jesus. Again.

I could've taken it a few years ago. Not anymore.

Nah … you're a pervert. And you're in denial.

How is "lizard people sex" different from "Brad and Angelina" exactly?

Debbie Does Dallas meets Dead Man Walking.
Dukes of Hazzard meets Howards End.
Finian's Rainbow meets Menace to Society.
Henry & June meets Regarding Henry.
Birth of a Nation meets Undercover Brother.
Howl's Moving Castle meets Brown Bunny.
Rounders meets Spy Kids 3.
Baby Geniuses 2 meets Saw V.

It's like Pippi Longstocking meets Hostel.
It's like Leaving Las Vegas meets BAPS.
It's like Marvin's Room meets Ace Ventura 2.

Which V is wrong, Natalie Portman's or Phoebe Cates'? I'm betting neither.

Like Robert Englund meets Natalie Portman — wouldn't those two make a weirdly hot couple?

21 is not too many for a 36-(and counting)-year recording career. Unless you suck, in which case 1 is too many.

C'mon, Hip Hopster — you know the most deserving nominee almost never wins the award …

Al Davis. No, wait, he's already dead …

"… there's almost no way this show can have a completely satisfying conclusion."
If it's any comfort, the show's beginning and middle were no great shakes either.

Absolutely nuthin' — say it agaaaaain …

Please … don't give the folks at Disney ideas, okay?