These are my twin boys, Biggs Porkins and Wedge Kenobi.

Kind of like naming your kid Darth

He'll run as The People's Candidate, but do a heel turn as soon as he takes the oath.

Wow.

Spicey just wrapped up his first briefing since the Comey cashiering, and it was head-pounding-on-the-desk irritating.

Also, a 5-year-old dog is not a "pup." Don't demean the damn dog!

Huckleberry's just doing his part to keep Austin weird.

I think my favorite flat-earther "theory" is that the earth is a flat disk accelerating into the void at 9.8 m/s squared.

Crosswords aren't the only thing he'll do…

I can't wait for the George W. Bush edition of the Jumble!

Meh, Diane Lane can say whatever she wants, she'll always have a place to sit whenever my face is around.

I've never met one in real life. Are they real? I thought they were just an Internet prank.

It's probably a little from column A, a little from column B.

He also killed Hitler.

I need to re-watch it, because I remember loving the sets, the score, the performances, but still feeling like the whole experience left me flat.

Thanks to the Internet, I have witnessed:

Donald Trump doesn't avoid CancerAIDS, CancerAIDS avoids Donald Trump!

Yeah, it's a pretty misogynistic game.

(whispers to self)

He enrages young-Earth climate change deniers and that's good enough for me.