@EvelKareebel:disqus Yeah, but I never even got far enough with girls for things to get complicated. I was just a sad, timid college fuckup listening to Jawbreaker on huge headphones and slowly gaining all my weight back. It may be the single most pathetic existence anyone's ever had.

@EvelKareebel:disqus Yeah, but I never even got far enough with girls for things to get complicated. I was just a sad, timid college fuckup listening to Jawbreaker on huge headphones and slowly gaining all my weight back. It may be the single most pathetic existence anyone's ever had.

Okay, goddammit, everybody stop talking about Jurassic Bark.

Okay, goddammit, everybody stop talking about Jurassic Bark.

This came along a few years later in my life (I had a "Wait, I was already married when this was released?" moment while reading the article), but if I had just been a little younger, I would definitely have some theatrical depression tomfoolery to reminisce about here.

This came along a few years later in my life (I had a "Wait, I was already married when this was released?" moment while reading the article), but if I had just been a little younger, I would definitely have some theatrical depression tomfoolery to reminisce about here.

Yeah. No smartassery here, either. One of a very few albums I can listen to in just about any mood or context.

Yeah. No smartassery here, either. One of a very few albums I can listen to in just about any mood or context.

Giant Spider Invasion…of savings at Menard's!

Giant Spider Invasion…of savings at Menard's!

Or "yoot."

Or "yoot."

I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

Pretty girls makes graves. S'what Kerouac said, anyway.

Pretty girls makes graves. S'what Kerouac said, anyway.

This is why I hardly ever watch comedies now. I don't WANT two hours of Zach Galifinakis or Seth Rogen or whoever the hell's in it. Even though I like those two, I just don't wanna be IN for that long. I hate that feeling of, "Oh wow, this has been pretty funny…running out of steam a little, though…feels like it's…

This is why I hardly ever watch comedies now. I don't WANT two hours of Zach Galifinakis or Seth Rogen or whoever the hell's in it. Even though I like those two, I just don't wanna be IN for that long. I hate that feeling of, "Oh wow, this has been pretty funny…running out of steam a little, though…feels like it's…

I had a friend who had all his porn stashed inside a speaker of his Emerson boombox. He showed me one day, and sure enough when he took the back off, there were all these wadded-up pages from a decade-old Hustler in there.

I had a friend who had all his porn stashed inside a speaker of his Emerson boombox. He showed me one day, and sure enough when he took the back off, there were all these wadded-up pages from a decade-old Hustler in there.