Big Al's been good. Spent Easter weekend with him down in Tijuana. We turned two on a midget stripper who was dressed as a nun.

@avclub-33beffd09a1b020d1187c6b4b264014a:disqus Doctor told me my diet of Ball Park Franks and 10-cent beer have cut at least 15 years off my life.

Sorry I haven't been around, fellas. The wife's been keeping my baseballs in an acrylic case, if you catch my drift.

Sean Hayes is gayer than Sandy Koufax with a handlebar mustache.

Is this also why The Cleveland Show was canceled?

He's clearly a former minor league ballplayer who wants to break into the advertising game.

It's up on Youtube. Here's a link: http://www.youtube.com/watc…

Chris Hayes probably cries after sex.

I always like the cut of your jib, Kirk.

Iggy Pop's got a helluva midsection on him. My trainer told me he fills a medicine ball with heroin and then does twisting lunges.

Life is a 100-mile-per-hour fastball from Doc Gooden. Ya gotta live it safe, baby!

I'd like to have sex with those two ladies. And yes, in case you're wondering, I would wear the Golden Glove — so long as they put on Golden Dental Dams.

@avclub-60dd44fc5944d2c8eb5bc7b7b9a3a70d:disqus I was much better at the True Lies video game.

Sadly, that "Big Bang" did him in.

That's a picture of the Wayans brothers in the next White Chicks movie, right?

I need to meet the mentally-ill homeless man Aaron Sele paid in exchange for a vote.

@avclub-fec1b8d3fbc08f27a84e5a334d45bb5a:disqus Oh, it's fucking terrible. Which makes it all the more frustrating that I couldn't beat it.

Remember the Jurassic Park game for Sega? I could never get past the Pump House level.

[sidles up to Captain Dada on the piano, sings "Those Were the Days"]

I've played at Jurassic Park. Terrible infield. Motherfuckin' pterodactyls all over the place.