I can't stay mad a Drake for too long. Dude reminds me of Carlton from Fresh Prince, except without giving a vibe that he'd become a Fortune 500 CEO and layoff 5,000 people to bump his stock options.

That's no way to describe our next First Lady.

That's terrible! Why would you call a daughterfucker a motherfucker like that?

Fine, parking's free, but you still have to pay for the hand job.

If the makers of Sing used their computing power to try and build a world-ending virus…..it would have been better than making Sing.

I legit did a double take at that.

Wait, the Hawai'ian one isn't "moved to the mainland"?

Whoa, whoa, whoa. How in the fuck did you manage 4:45 worth of foreplay?

I had to buy $3 million in chips from my son's casino so he can truly believe he, too, can be president one day. Well, that and the Cheetos dust shower.

Well, according to American (Idol voters) Bo Bice is actually worth a 3/5 Carrie Underwood. So he knows from oppression can't even finish typing with a straight face.

Popeye's: the only thing that allows my family to tolerate driving the NJ turnpike five times every winter.

Alright, so there will be a scene or outtake somewhere with Cumberbatch, Hemsworth, and Ruffalo sharing a three-way kiss, right? Right?

This is a case of needing to show the receipts, for sure. I think the US intelligence and administration officials (and to a more disastrous extent, Clinton campaign) failed to learn how to engage with both old and new media where Republicans and know-nothings just happily fling every piece of shit they can.

"Racism pays." - entire Western civilization living off 500 years of plunder

What's next, The Apprentice confirming that Trump wasn't a business genius but had to be edited to shit just to seem coherent?

"they" are kind of stepping out of that Venn diagram circle marked "good men" aren't they?

I would have argued for Argo as a stone-cold classic if the Iranians all went around going "burqa-burqa jihad" all movie long as a commentary on reductive Hollywood portrayals of middle eastern cultures.

ADA McCoy fiddles with his neat single malt.

In space, The Shocker is one in the stink, the other one busting out of your torso later.

I asked everyone to get me nothing, and my request was honored. Also, got myself a FitBit and realized how fucking lazy I am. Donating to Planned Parenthood in my mom's name.