[two bros in Limp Bizkit tees show up at the gas station, buy Mountain Dew Slurpees]

When the voice over started I said 'What the actual fuck?' Out loud.

Less Coke? I'm in Nova Scotia and can hear all the laughter from Hollywood.

OF COURSE, Stride Mother would have a shaved mole rat fetish.

No. According to the guy it's worse than the 3AM Waffle House shift where drunk old bikers come in a literally have a dick measuring contest on the counter.

I knew a guy who always had two jobs, and they're usually two out of these three: Comcast call center, Wafle House line cook, gas station cashier (for the naps). Every time we met up the rest of us treat him like a PTSD-addled Iraq vet, including the actual Iraq vet in the group.

Well all that linen proved…useful.

For the heathens, duh! It's also true fact that plastic surgeons will only do boob jobs for born-again women.

Also, totally DTF and GGG. God is such a one-hole prude.

Now it's the new Michael Bay-ified TMNT, but Axl can't figure out why there are four talking fat dildos in the movie so he keeps it on repeat.

"We Chose To Go To This Show Instead Of Paying For Half The Tuition Of Your Useless Fucking Arts Degree, Ok?: The Concert"

Christ, the trials sound like a long trip. Can we Skype our testimony instead?

Same festival but with a vibrator/phone recharge tent.

Print "I didn't bother to watch 'Formation' video" on a card. Hand it to the cop the next time you get pulled over. 50-50 chance you'll be let off with a warning*.

Probably means Horace And Pete, LLC currently has negative net worth.

The financial life of a show or movie usually has a long tail. A network or streaming service might end up buying the rights to it, sales might pick up if it gets awards love, etc. so at least the jury is out on whether he's losing money.

If that's the case I'd rather they go full Uncle Boonmee and include the cunnilingus catfish.

Australian Colonel Sanders sounds like someone who would feed you a sloppy drumstick through a glory hole and not have the common courtesy to offer a wet nap.

I don't think Cumberbatch is near the top of Holmes portrayals, but Martin Freeman has been my favorite Watson so far. Maybe it's just because it's the first time they tried to flesh out Dr. Watson's inner life that much.

I think Chris Rock might not be the worst choice: