Emmerich did the other White House siege movie, the one with Channing Tatum and Jamie Foxx. Instead of brain-stabbing they gave us James Woods with cocaine brain cancer.

"My father was…..Al Davis?"

I've found out exactly how to fix this country: train a bunch of Fuck Marshals and deploy them on worthwhile causes, like telling people Fuck Marshals is a thing now.

[Make-up department puts a 1/4" scar on her cheek]

Well, people kept asking if she'd take "just the tip"…

Well, the sodomite wing in hell is basically an eternal backgammon game, and no fucking.

…because all of Perry's and Swift's income come from the "urban" market?

The eBay ones are used, so it's probably got somebody's backwash mixed in. They should honor a refund request on the grounds of non-fresh farts in the container. You should definitely try Etsy next time. Also, don't forget to leave a feedback!

I think we just found the next Hardee's ad.

Anyone checked on Fox News yet? All-day erections can be dangerous.

Do I have to mush your face into your own pile of shit to show you you did a bad thing again, Internet?

Just think of her as Brian Williams with lady parts.

Hottt

You can get around that pretty quickly just by having someone in a lab coat wave a half-filled cup of semen and some exposition.

They like the NRA more.

I'd be more accepting to folks who are vocal about their faiths if their actions actually followed Jesus' teachings beyond when it's convenient. When the guy who leads a company luncheon prayer turns around and fucks over coworkers, then his prayers are worth less than my farts.

I'm just mean and tasteless in general.

Be careful, I've had to replace way too many pairs of glasses on account of talking yellow dicks.

There's always a reason, but reasons don't have to be reasonable.

Porn Identity, on the other hand, was just a list of site logins with increasingly ridiculous usernames generated in an attempt to throw off Franco's suspicious life partner, Seth Rogen.