I'd ask Trump if he wants to bang his daughter and if he wants to keep eye contact so he can really see the resemblance.

Wait, Jindal's still around?

Last night I watched the Seth Myers show because Craig Ferguson was the guest - he's got a daytime thing coming up, I think.

Yes, they need to stick a probe camera down one of the audience's throats and broadcast it live onstage.

Get out of my territory.

"Would it be like if George Foreman was…"

Mike Huckabee

That depends: whose cheeks?

I guess all the crowd reactions were the point of the episode, but the whole Big Lebowsky-severed finger routine took me out of it.

You know which house rules them all?

We've all tried out burka porn, it's no reason to be ashamed.

420 with cab fare?

Juan Eduardo Bing-Bong (that's what JEB stands for, right?) Bush is yet another politician who failed to learn this most important lesson: do not fuck with the man in the Ed Sullivan Theater. McCain went full dumbass after Letterman went at him a few rounds.

Deez Nutz is just a hanger-on.

I take it they recorded this at a Golden Corral.

They read like the _____ Movie of tweets.

Alright, now it's getting porn-y.

About the fifth thing that popped in my head was "how the fuck did Lecter get Starling to start lactating without actually having a baby?" followed by the sixth "ah shit, there's a baby murder coming up isn't there?".

[GETS STACK OF SINGLES, MAKES IT RAIN IN THE CUBICLE]

Insane, no. Stupid, yes.