I knew someone in high school who joined under the names "Luke Walker" and "Dolly Mite."

Wal-Mart can replace the CDs with Duck Dynasty merchandise.

I don't think Putter can hold an Uzi, and she's very sensitive to loud noises. She hides behind me even at fireworks. Besides, if she's holding an Uzi, she can't hold Sock Monkey.

Awwww, cute little putter holding up a Clint Black album…

Did Robert Evans get arrested for cocaine trafficking during the shoot of this movie? You bet your sweet ass he was. Was the studio happy? No chance, sweetheart…Disney finally opens their door to a co-production with another studio…think it'll happen again? You're having pipe dreams, baby.

"I'm so DAMN MEAN!"

The studio wanted Gilda Radner, but Altman insisted on Duvall.

That was one of the best parts of those cartoons, Jack Mercer's mumbling. I remember one time he came back from a long voyage and his greeting to Olive Oyl was something like "Hello, Olive…errr, whatamIchoppedliverorsomethingperhapskshefoundherselfanothersailorman…"

"Blow me down! Is this one of Bluto's tricks?"

"You ain't done yet."
"What? [looks at plate] No!"

The night before I moved out on my first roommate, whom I hated, I made a dinner of a pound and a half of steak and, for humor, three ears of corn.

I admit that I laughed at the image in my mind…it sounds like something from an old MAD Magazine Super Special I had that devoted itself to gross articles (the cover had Alfred with a finger in his nose).

I wonder whatever happened to that ridiculous suit against McDonald's 10 years ago when those two or three teenagers sued McD's for "making them" around 400 lbs.

They put that in as a moment of tension, so you'd be on the edge of your seat wondering (nay, hoping!) that he'd return to the table and finish the damn thing.

They're the only fast food chain that serves Reuben (and Rachel) sandwiches and they're pretty good, too.

I'm not sure if they're still around, but about a year after my apocalyptic case of the squitters, they altered their menu and made it more healthy and I think they got rid of the two-pounder.

Something something panda rape…

(lovingly) It doesn't matter.

"Hey, baby, I saw your wife the other day, and she's uuuggggllyyyyyyy…."
"She's ugly, but she sure can cook!"
"Yeah, all right…"

I like the song, but the lyrics are the equivalent of those hippies who'd try to bring about peace by sticking a flower into the barrel of a National Guardsman's rifle.