Did they include Elisabeth Shue's McDonald's commercial?

"You've got a thing for Tooooooooba Girl?"

Where's the "House" house?

That fact has probably kept me from killing myself more than once, knowing that if I did it, almost nobody would miss me anyway, and the ones who acted like they did would be pretending so they seemed sensitive and caring.

Good. I liked the She-Hulk comics where she was taller/bigger than everyone…I still remember one where she went on a date with a guy and when he went to kiss him at her door, she lifted him up to her eye level. Hot.

And also, let me do the talking unless you're on the witness stand. Standing up and screaming, "I am the greatest! I'm the spokesman for my generation!" is not going to help your case.

Only if you're female. I still don't understand why a lot of men seem to get a thrill from pissing on the floor, throwing toilet paper around, and not flushing.

Where are her muscles? She looks like Courtney Cox.

"Kanye West, and to a much lesser extent, Jay-Z, are the most original and revolutionary musicians of this generation!" - Kanye West

"I mentally corrected that and added an "of," but out of respect for the deceased, I'm happy to read it since, though A-list roles eluded him throughout his career, he was a very nice man."

I don't find her that funny, but I will concede that she is attractive.

"Yes, Bill, a turd."
"Gross!"

The only people I know who liked her comedy were gay guys.

I'm not proud of it, partially because I just made a horseface joke about her above, but sometimes I do find her attractive. She always looks smug and self-satisfied, but sometimes I have a thing for women with big mouths (not for the reason you think - I abhor oral sex).

Is that a whimper, or a whinny?

I also watch a movie or at least four TV episodes a day. I'm also too physically repulsive to get a date and my only offspring is my imaginary daughter, who'll sit under my desk all day talking to her best pal Sock Monkey, so my hours are flexible.

Opus: Who's playing me?
Milo: Gary Coleman with a fake nose.

That's one of those names I never hear. It's not a bad name, but it would make a great stripper name.

I think I beat up that guy on the Brown Line and he was crying like a little girl when he got out at the Chicago stop.

"The body isn't even cold, you heartless bastard!"