I learned not to do that early on when I would correct the neighborhood for saying "sall" instead of "saw" and "liberry" instead of "library."

"Tom Arnold's only talent is being able to get it up for that fat pig Roseanne."
- Howard Stern

"The tall, heavyset Lee was the kind of performer who never landed any breakout roles in his movies, but nonetheless, he often made a strong impression with characters on the margins."

And she probably looked better in that film than any of her subsequent ones.

Are you kidding? She has no tits or hips.

Not to mention that she has the body of a 10-year-old boy.

Jack Nicholson said he did that in a 1970s Playboy interview. He said it helped fight premature ejaculation.

"So I had this guy who wanted me to christen his kid…"

Never tried Mad Dog 20/20 before.

I remember the teacher running the newspaper read my review and said, "Robin Williams as…the King of the Moon?"

I have a computer but not Internet. I tried to piggyback on one of my neighbors, but he said he doesn't have Internet anymore. I should probably get it, but I'm so used to riding to the library to do all my Internet and now that I have a computer, I can do it as long as the library is open instead of only two hours…

Hope it's not as stupid and childish as that "there's a hole in your butt where the doody comes out" song from "Jesus Is Magic."

I think Roger Moore lives there too.

That's nothing compared to the assholes in Turks & Caicos.

Actually, the first girl I had sex with loved that movie and I recall helping her order a copy of the soundtrack from Amazon, at which time I confirmed that she was impossibly dorky. She had feathered hair (in the late 1990s), wore a tweed riding cap everywhere, and had an ocarina around her neck.

Prosciutto makes for a great snack…they should try packaging and selling it up front like Slim Jims.

I wouldn't mind seeing "Unicorn" again…I haven't seen it since I was a kid. When's it playing? I only live about a mile and a half from the Music Box.

Thought my laptop was destroyed by a leaky bottle a few months ago, but computer place repaired it for me for $140.

My booze of choice has gone from Steel Reserve to Mike's Harder Mango Madness Punch.

Nope, and since they changed the ID cards at my old school, no more sitting in a computer lab with a bottle of gin or amaretto using a free computer and Internet.