Dave is pretty much the bravest interviewer out there.

You are bumming me out. It's like the big studios are punishing her for being in the shitty movies they stuck her in.

Do you mean win as in "not die" or win as in "take over the earth"?

So I guess it would be fair to say that you found a 10-year-old girl's accent sexy, yes?

Then he has to take all they bad ass to Showbiz…whereupon Billy Bob and the other animatronics come to life and dispatch the audience in a Event Horizon-style blood orgy.

He should just adapt stories from the Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark books. Scary as fuck right there.

Seemed like a prety freak accident to me.

There was a unique lack of humanity to Thatcher. She disliked sports, the arts, and all that makes life worth living. Also, unlike Nixon and other famous criminals, she inspired a movement we still live with.

Thanks for sharing that. Appalachian coal powers the Northeast's power plants and Texas/Louisiana oil is essential to national security. Of course, there are thousands of reasons the South is better off as part of the United States. It really does piss me off when I hear northerners say America would be better off…

I've studied American history formally and informally for years, and I think this is the absolute best answer to the question.

"I'd work on Natalie Portman's mess."

My least favorite epidoses of seinfeld were the ones she was in.

Love that song.

Is that the thing with 4-hour erections?

Your brain is just teaching itself to be attracted to girls it thinks you could get.

Unfortunately, there's no such thing as non-sexual nudity. If there's nudity, someone somewhere is getting off to it.

Late period Family Matters is due for a critical reappraisal. Rabin?

Aw, come on. He has his moments. And remember: it isn't trolling if he believes it.

"They say there are men so rich in Texas they buy a new car when the ashtray gets full. And they just throw away their leather gloves when they spooge on them instead of taking them to the dry cleaner."

Which I'll then steep in boiling water and drink like tea.