Chill out. I can't think of an artist I like who doesn't take life too seriously and hold irrational grudges.

She'd get a hell of a song out of that one.

A Democrat could win Kentucky. An non coal-friendly Democrat has zero frickin' chance.

He almost sounds like an anti-Bateman. He's as obsessed with appearing non-conformist (even though deep down he is a garden-variety middle-aged dabbler) as Bateman is with appearing to be the all-American guy (though of course it's largely a put on).

This is one of those truths we all know but try not to say out loud.

Bear the chimp from BJ and the Bear?

I heard Twilight gave this guy a hoofjob in the back of your mom's Jaguar.

Who cares? SHE'S FUCKING HOT

more like dancing crabs for this one, eh?

Hollywood's pediatric abortionists owe their careers to Mr. Schnieder.

Same deal with New Orleans. Most people in New Orleans are snobs of the wealthy society douche or poor hipster douche varieties, so they see it as below them to make a big deal about celebrities. Brad Pitt and Kim Kardashian can walk around like its no big deal.

Don't know if this is what you mean, but I went to high school with a Kate Burns. She was rich enough to start a fancy dress shop straight out of high school. When I asked my friend where she got all that money, my friend said without missing a beat, "Duh, her dad is Mr. Burns from the Simpsons!"

I once worked at a non-profit with Sir Mix-a-Lot on a mailing list. For whatever reason he had donated money under his stage name so that's what we kept. I had to write fundraising letters to everyone on that mailing list, and LOLed as I debated how to address it: "Mr. Lot" or "Sir Lot"? Went with Sir Lot.

For a second, I was going to comment along the lines of "With all the depravity available online today, you still crank up YouTube and fondle yourself to 'Cold Hearted Snake?'"

"This hand that writes the $100 checks for the cable bill is the same hand that masturbates to Lena Dunham."

Hardcore alcoholics are often skin and bones because eating kills their buzz.

Tom Green!

We try not to consider things this hard on Friday afternoons.

I support Emma Watson's continued presence on our screens.

Tell that to this guy: