He would just play "Lineman" over and over again without realizing it.

"Glen, what are you talking about?  We've already paid you.  Heck, it was twice what you usually get."

I feel like a horrible person right now.

Wait, fucking Kirk is an option?!?  What the hell have I been waiting for?

Let's do this!

The entire human experience just comes down to canals of mucus.

@Scrawler2:disqus You have big hair and kind of hate your husband?

Happy Birthday?

Sweet dreams, you beautiful son-of-a-bitch.

I am deciding to just put Amy Poehler in charge of my life.  I'm pretty sure that she can do a better job with it than I am.

I remember there being a well (or at least a pit of some kind) but I think there was a pregnant lady in it, not Timmy.

It was fantastic

The summer I watched Passions was one of the best of my life…which really doesn't say much for the quality of my life.

I refuse to cave to their demands.  I'm above all that.

I feel that this is a problem that can also be solved by hobbling James Caan.

*rips of own shirt, dances with Al*

AND YOU'RE ALSO MY MOTHER!

Well, my sex life sucks, but I always enjoy watching people do it in a fake living room.

Wait, there was no bear in BJ and the Bear?!  Everything I once believed is a lie.

Its been trying to do that for 20 years, but somehow they've managed to fail even at that.