Dear God … the future is bleak.

Sadly, Dan Snyder's head in a jar will be the Redskins' owner for the next thousand years.

Cure Girl 4eva!

He just goebbeled his words.

They really missed the Mark.

You totally glossed over the epic party on the last day of high school.

The "Hero-shima" is actually on their menu for a limited time only.

"I'm giving you a choice. Either accept Christ into your heart or start eating that trash can."

Boo … Boo … Clanking chains …

For your health!

Exactly. If you're in the "friend zone," be a good friend or GTFO. If you constantly resent that she doesn't give you sexual favors in exchange for regular favors, you're being a dick.

Contrast with Hobbes, a completely selfless friend, despite being inanimate.

Another knock on Snoopy, no doubt.

Look at Charlie Brown's face in the third strip when Snoopy says "Thank goodness for people!" He knows he's being used.

They do spin pretty fast, but only if you put a lot of wrist action into your throw.

Fucking Snoopy sold out to MetLife and left Charlie Brown behind. Never once offered to hold the football. He's a piece of shit.

Clearly you've never tried extreme gerbiling.

Topic: Sonic the Hedgehog set completely unrealistic body standards for hedgehogs in the entertainment industry. Discuss.

This might be good, but I'm already at my quota for comedies about selfish, awful people.

Hodor should add "Swedgin!" to his vocabulary.