CDs don't sell CDs.

WOMEN AND THEIR PERIODS AMIRITE

Maybe my favorite line in the whole series. God bless Wynn Duffy.

Or close your eyes and open your mouth …

Yeah, baby, you fill up those arteries so good.

I don't know why I thought this would involve a hole in the bottom of a pizza box and Colbert saying "Someone order a big sausage pizza?"

He's unavailable.

Damn. Might have to sell little Timmy, too.

These are my favorite inexpensive bluetooth headphones:

I can only afford nice headphones on account of my fucked up priorities. When I can't send my kids to college, I'll explain that I couldn't live without rich bass and excellent midrange. I'm sure they'll understand.

Final Fantasy VII

For when blowjobs get boring.

One might even call it whimsically eclectic. It's the Apple commercial of radio shows.

*frowns broken-heartedly, sullenly rides away on motorcycle*

I thought his farts were the backup generator.

It's more like a constant brownout.

With just the sound of thousands of people screaming "Oh my god what's happening!?!?" and bumping into each other.

Not that there's anything wrong with that …

I'm going to quit my job by telling my boss he's fired. I know it's not the same, but I'm suddenly inspired.

The AV Club