It's a testament to the staying power of Independence Day that all of these jokes are from Jurassic Park.

Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

Parks and Rec deep cuts

When they asked if I'd like to host this event, I said "Wood I?" *holds up wooden "I"*

The Double Dipper

Private Pyle? I didn't know they stacked CHiPs that high!

Might have been. Filled with sour cream.

I officially quit Taco Bell when, during a 1am 4th meal run, I saw someone dollying in a bunch of cardboard boxes that read "Grade DDD."

Watcha gonna do, brother, when Ultron and his cyberclones run wild on youuuu!!!!!'

Good luck, Sly. His leather skin is bulletproof.

#notmychurchill

♫ Snark if you want to/ Snark around the world. ♫

John Oliver's segment on this was amazing, and it was just news clips from Australia. This story is the gift that keeps giving.

In the example "to whom it may concern," "whom" is the direct object of the clause: "it may concern whom."

The entire clause is the object. The word "whoever" is the subject of the clause.

Thereby making you king of the pornstars. Nice.

It's a special poison that, in addition to killing you, makes bush blurry. Don't drop the antidote!

The forced circumcisions are coming next week.

I think you just have to suspend your disbelief and accept that things will always go horribly.

Yeah, sssssssssssnake eyes!