Wait just a fucking minute here.
Bananas are proof God exists?

It's hard to appreciate songs about changing seasons…
…when you live in Arizona, the home of the Year 'Round Hot Ball o' Death in the sky.

There has to be a line between not talking about anal sex at all, like your wife, and talking about nothing else but anal sex like W or W's mother.

I've got to think the unspoken caveat of your awesome life in Kansas is, "Now if only our professional baseball and football teams didn't suck so hard they nearly turn the universe inside-out." But good on you for saying what the rest of us were thinking.

Did you know you can put your nuts inside a woman?

If you enjoy eating, you'd do well to thank a Midwesterner. I'm not sure if you all realize that corn and wheat, as well as the lion's share of dairy farms, are grown fairly exclusively in areas you all consider rife with sister-fuckers.

For some reason the "I'm fucking Roger Ebert" video that Sarah Silverman did never quite took off.

Bill Hader?

I like brownies, dinosaurs, and anal. Giving, that is.

I dunno — it looked like a pretty interesting take on the convention. When I'm looking around for a movie my criteria is usually not "can I find a life-changing cinematic event?" It's usually a lot more like, "Will I get to the end of the 90 minutes and feel like my time wasn't completely wasted?"

God damn you, Steinfield.

IT'S MY VERY FAVORITE FIRSTIE SHOW!!
God, I hate myself.

Of cock?

This is easily my favorite one-trick Dakota Fanning rape Oscar vehicle put out in the last 30 years.
Hands down.

Too bad. I thought this movie had good potential.
I'm not a big fan of LaBute's, but then again, who is? The term "heavy-handed" was practically written about him.

Well, stupider is kind of harsh. Let's just say "with way more giraffe egg-gargling."

Y'know, sometimes I can pick out the fake Chauncey and sometimes I can't. You're like the AV Club's version of Where's Waldo, only way, way, way, way, WAY stupider.

Dax Shepherd is easily my favorite 20something actor named Dax to come around in the past 25 years
Hands down.

I suppose none of you have ever heard of a little movie I like to call Weekend At Bernie's, eh? Eh?

Doesn't matter. They could put the corpse of Charles Rocket in the opening credits and still continue to shuffle zombie-like into the sunset. There are always rumors of a cancellation and it never happens. It's such an institution that it is now immune to ratings, good or bad, in every single way.