You should reserve judgment until you lick him.

Your move, Jesus.

So you were the one behind me in that theater.

I'm tired of all this Canadian comedy supremacy talk. America has Sandler, Tyler Perry, Jay Leno and Dane Cook. That silence you hear is every Canadian reading this struggling for a retort.

And beyond Old School, such a rich and complex filmography.

I'm doing my part, as three different massage parlors can attest to.

Have some faith in Hollywood. Maybe they'll give the character an interesting back story. Like a rhino mugged and trampled his mom. Or his first love was a rhino poacher who scorned him. Or he opened a dictionary and pointed at a word. Those Hollywood guys are geniuses!

Featuring Ryan Gosling as the barista who screws up his order!

This will all be worth it if Spiderman calls him Pig-vomit at some point.

In the Bizarro universe there's a show called Sorrow and it's actually good.

Just because it's discussed doesn't mean it's relevant. I mean… I've heard of Skrillex and Hinder.

Seeing the sun shine through Gene Hackman's bullet wound is supposed to reveal to us that he's been a robot all along. Nobody ever gets that.

Just because Rashida Jones is on a show that critics find superior doesn't mean she's wasted on this lesser show. Calling her a utility player is an insult to utility players. Everyone who isn't Nick Offerman is a utility player; Rashida Jones qualifies as the guy who catches for the pitcher warming up in the bullpen…

All of the babies I've had with Asian women are way older than me.

Which one's Tom? Is he the douche who thinks he's over your head because you don't laugh at him? Or the other douche who thinks he's over your head because you don't laugh at him?

Arrow-themed puns? I'm quivering with anticipation.

Let the Preston Sturges dialogue fly! "These fellas are a real couple o' ding-a-lings." "You got that right, Pepper-pot Annie! I'd like to stomp on their skulls from now 'til the cows come home!"

Looks like this movie delivers exactly the right amount of Ashley Judd.

Type her name two more times and she'll come and steal your genitals.

Personally, PG-13 horror and horror that pre-dates that rating are more effective than all the R-rated fare. If I bothered to make a list I'd likely come up with plenty of examples of good R-rated horror, but by and large having license to toss boobs and blood around sacrifices character development. So now you're…