More like $600,000. THANKS, OBAMA.

Whatever happened to crittab?

Lawyers are allowed to be jurors?

I used to practice opening doorknobs with my feet, so I feel like I could've been good at this.

Whoa, when did I get that high up on the pick 4 league? Of course, Jeremy was in it, so that probably won't last.

IT MAKES FOR A BETTER DOWNFALL EDIT.

I will always love that your connections to Survivor are Lil and Dawn.

That is exactly what happened to me.

Downfalls are no fun without a cocky confessional. Just livening up the season!

Why would you wait until marriage if you've already had sex? Not refuting your claim, just baffled.

The show has been casting gay people since season 1, and Shannon got immediately voted out when he accused Sash of being gay like it was a bad thing.

I always use cold/cold so I can wash everything at once. Finding quarters is too difficult for two loads.

I've been waiting for a chance to fist bump someone so I can do it.

Hey man, spoilers,

Good thing I saw Clue for the first time last month, then.

I hit my head back there.

sexism

I'm drunk with power.

My mom said that they should have avoided the margaritas because they're too acidic and would hurt their stomachs that way. I wouldn't know, but I would think alcohol in general would be a bad idea because their tolerances have probably lowered because they're not eating, and who wants a hangover during Survivor?

Well, Ozzy wasn't the only godlike player in Micronesia.