Wow, I win twice in one evening. I'm on a roll!

Yeah, you better give up.

I fixed it long ago, pfft.

I WIN!

Defiant Mitch McConnell Holds Merrick Garland’s Severed Head Aloft In Front Of Capitol Building

She's a dog, dude. She has no life. I'm not going to be jealous of her.

I'm not going to be jealous of a dog.

Your puppy smells, so, ew.

Well, screw you and your sleep.

Will you talk to me the whole time?

Yes, daddy, I've been a bad girl.

Does that mean that Ted Cruz jerks off in his car, too?

I do talk to you on a daily basis, so, yes.

I'm bored and I have grading to do. I figure this will make me angry enough to stay awake.

I will endure the pilot.

He's trying so hard to have a Hu-Man emotshion, though.

No, this has the potential to be a lot more irritating.

Hey, the tech geek has an Apple Watch! And it can receive texts? Did you know that? And do you remember when Apple Watches were cool?

Any show that begins with an ominous warning about "leaving the safety of our borders" has got to be to President Trump's liking.

Barely 2 seconds in, and Criminal Minds is already hysterically xenophobic. That has got to be some kind of record.