Wait. Stephen King wrote a book about a recovering alcoholic writer?? As in, he wrote another one in the past 30 minutes?

I prefer 2.5 hours of artfully shot horror to 90 minutes of a shaky camera and "HUH?! WHAT WAS THAT?"

I dunno, that's kinda understated for King.

And, where's the mentally handicapped character with magical powers? This is an insult to Stephen King's fine body of work!

DUKE OF EARL, DOOK DOOK…

The Paranormal Activity franchise makes me long for the thoroughly thought out plot, understated acting, and intricate subtleties of the Saw franchise.

Trying that Aliens knife game.

I knew Tyrese. I read and watched Tyrese. Glenn, you're no Tyrese.

The Paranormal Activity franchise makes snuff films seem like high art.

The only significance The Others had on me was that it was my personal hope that the film would be the death knell for the "they were dead THE ENTIRE TIME!!" plot twist that was already tired by the time this came out.

And, The Bay is that rare found-footage horror movie that makes sense.

I really wish Glenn Beck would "go Galt" just to show us all how miserable we'd be without him. Of course, such a cataclysmic event would take a decade, perhaps two, before we as a society could truly appreciate what impact a former morning zoo jockey turned snake oil entrepreneur has made in our lives. But, he'd sure…

Now I'll never be able to hear countless reiterations and reinterpretations of, "You can't make me go to the yacht club! You're not my REAL DAD!" in drop D. Oh, horror of horrors!

The only way to enjoy the Saw franchise is to preface any viewing with ten minutes from any of the Paranormal Activity franchise. That makes what follows look like god damned Fellini.

"The Ewoks on Endor will greet us as liberators!" — Bill Kristol

I didn't expect the comments section here to read like the Do You Know Who My Father Is?! letters section of Reason Magazine.

SEX SCREAMIN'S IN A MOVIE

Gwen Stefani: her entire career's centered around her stomach and her core, but all her vocals come from her nose.

"Don't smoke. I'm walking dead now."

That brand of cigarettes was Morley, right? As in, the brand the Cigarette Smoking Man of X-Files fame always smoked? So, our pop culture tour of Walking Dead has so far included Walter White's meth and Cigarette Smoking Man's brand…when do we see Fonzie's jacket?