I was always tempted to get the muted posthorn from The Crying of Lot 49.

Turn it into a snake…

I had a friend who got pulled over for drunk driving after the cops saw her circle her own block 5 or 6 times.  She couldn't remember which one was her house, so she just kept driving around and around until she got stopped.

Tunnel of mediocrity?

That would actually have the potential to be really funny - but I think I would do an episode where everyone is just a character from Big Bang Theory:

Calm down and tell me about your nards.

No, that show was every standup routine from the 1980s.

Spike?

It's easily better than ESPNs decision to nickname every Saturday of the college football season.

Six viewers and a sad little apartment full of cats!

Creed!

Octocock?  I'd watch that.

That's the porniest sitcom title I've ever heard.

Swordfish.

But it wasn't a *crazy* wedding…

You laugh, but everyone should watch at least one Busby Berkeley musical.  The elaborate choreography is something to behold, when you consider what he had to work with technologically.

If The Simpsons are to be believed, this plot about Nick getting a cell phone means that the New Girl writers have stories for years.

I'll be shocked if the last patient in the last episode isn't House.

Don't mind if I do!

They can have guns, but apparently they're not allowed to have gnomes.