Wesley Snipes is, obviously, going to replace Tracy Morgan for this very special live episode.

"I've got a great idea!"
"Yeah, what's that?"
"Let's go to Subway and film the interview there!"
"Well, I was in the mood for another footlong *wink*"
"I don't get it."

Jesus Christ. Just…Jesus Christ.

Just some light dentistry and a trip to the zoo. You?

Holy shit that made me laugh so loud my manager yelled at me.

I hate that whatever it is Kim Kardashian does is considered a career.

So?
Red pill or blue balls? Neither? Okay, porn it is.

Purple.

Hey, Coldstream, to answer your question Mr. C.K. once upon a time did a very brief interview about hecklers that I watched on the internets and mentioned he'd always wanted to use the line "when you were born a guy was walking by and said, hey there's a cunt coming out of a cunt's cunt," so some of it I'm sure he's…

Wow I feel old. Thanks, dickface.

My masturbatory, ejaculation catchphrase is "Damn it, Toad which fucking castle is she in then?"

@Martian Judge, yes.

Oh, no shit!

Oh it will and it already has! I'm never making a sex tape with Tommy Wiseau, how is that not contributing in some way?

You're talking about noted republicunt Elisabeth Hasselbeck! You don't "bone" her, you give her the high hard one until her brain sizzles like it's been dipped in fat and put in a deep fryer to later be enjoyed as a corn dog by some unsuspecting patron at the Ohio State Fair. That's the euphemism right there.

You're more bitter than usual today Mr. Brod…er Dr. Haha… I like it.

Gallagher went at a heckler pretty hard once -I'm being serious by the way- and eventually the guy and his table couldn't take it anymore and got up and left. I believe they were more demoralized by being shat upon by Gallagher of all people than to have been rebutted for their heckling. I mean, that has to be soul…

Yep
I need to take a shower now.

It's sad that Emperor Jim's comment made me want mayonnaise.

You guys know that tigerhawk has made the best point so far, right?